FIND WHAT DEFINES YOUR TRUE SELF …
Happy New Year, friends.
This may come as a surprise, but I consider myself a bit of a loner.
Most people that know me would say otherwise, but I would have to disagree.
My iPhone currently has 2296 contacts.
Sure seems like a lot.
Many are business acquaintances accumulated over 20 years as an attorney and entrepreneur.
Some of the names I honestly don’t even recognize.
Many are family, which is inevitable coming from a large Irish-Italian Catholic family.
My wife and I together have more than 30 first cousins, which is an incredible blessing.
However, of those 2296 contacts I can count my closest friends on two hands (or maybe three).
I’ve never had a big group of friends that remained close over time.
Those ones that take an annual golf trip, or routinely meet up for drinks.
Maybe it’s because I’ve moved around so much, or that my closest friends are all spread out.
Or maybe it’s because I’ve always spent so much time with my family (both immediate and extended).
Or maybe it’s just me.
I’m not sure, but I’ll admit that I am sometime jealous of those groups, and saddened that I’m not a part of one of them.
On the other hand, I don’t particularly enjoy small talk or gossip so spending time in large groups is not really my thing.
Particularly as I get older and think about my intentions for 2023, what is most important to me is spending time with my wife, my children, my parents, my siblings and other relatives and friends that I care about deeply, and that care about me.
I enjoy truly getting to know people, and them getting to know me.
My wife once told me that she saw my truest self – my vulnerable, humble and authentic self – when I was with my Italian grandparents. When I consider this carefully, I think it’s probably true.
As I’ve written before, my grandparents’ home was my favorite place in the world.
There I was never Mike the student, Mike the athlete, Mike the lawyer or Mike the CEO, I was just me.
I was their oldest grandchild and just being there was enough for them, and enough for me too. We’d sit and talk – and eat, of course- and I’d make them tell me stories about the old days. I particularly loved stories from the 1920s, 1930s and 1940s, of them growing up as first-generation Americans, my grandfather eventually joining the Army and spending four years in the European theater of WWII. My grandmother going to school, attending Mass often, learning to cook, and taking the trolley in Downtown New Haven. She lived in a three-family home with her grandparents on one floor, her family on the second and more relatives on the third. They described it as a “simple, but happy time.”
My grandparents had almost no regard for material possessions and were not impressed by flashy things, wealth, fashion or the latest trends.
Conversely, they loved meeting people and learning about their families, their passions, and their dreams. My grandparents’ way of life has had a profound influence on me.
It’s taken me a long time to be ok with not fitting in or being a part of a group.
Only now, just after my 45th birthday, I am confident that I am doing my best to lead an authentic and meaningful life, and hopefully inspiring others (and particularly my children) to do the same.
My wife deserves a lot of credit for this epiphany.
Her mindfulness teaching and focus on the present moment has inspired me greatly. What good is it to constantly dwell on the past, or plan for the future? Or spend all your time trying to fit in with others?
Not much good at all if you miss the present moment and those around you. Instead, find the people and places that make you feel at home and enjoy your time with them. This is more important than ever in these days of technology, distractions and division. Godspeed for a happy and healthy 2023.